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With the things I have seen,
I have lived a life full of
Nightmares instead of dreams.
I have watched hopes
Be burned and burned
Over and over again,
Grind into ash,
Forced to the floor.
I have seen fear
Overtake the lives of the best,
Ruin them beyond
What they thought was capable.
I have watched as innocent
People cry into the night
With only the darkness to hear.
I have seen those who struggle
With self doubt, depression,
I have seen everything.
I have watched the work
Of the masses,
The brainwashing of the "lord."
Meant to believe the world
Is a beautiful place,
Full of happiness and love.
I have lived the opposite,
I have watched love ruin people,
I have seen it destroy,
Obliterate, annihilate, ruin,
Love is a terrible thing,
It makes us vulnerable,
Eager to trust and love someone,
But when it's all gone,
All of your wishes were never
Granted and now all
Of your dreams have been destroyed.
I have seen with my eyes,
My soul, my everything.
I absorb all of the pain I see,
When I look in the mirror,
I have no idea who I see anymore.
You were the one part of my reflection
I liked seeing.
The only part of me worth saving.
The one thing in this world worth loving.
My reflection is foggy now,
Blurred lines to match the colors of my skin, my hair.
But that is all they are,
Nobody is there,
In Too Deep
Life was fine when my eyes were closed.
Everything was okay,
I could love you with my eyes closed
I could live in my own world where everyone
Cared and loved me like I did them.
It was all just a foolish dream,
Now I am awake and I realize
You want nothing to do with me.
I realize no body cares about anybody,
It's pathetic and useless.
I could have made monuments in your name
A poem for all of the things I love about you,
I could go on endless rants about how you make me feel... but all of that is gone now.
I could tear down those pathetic walls with your name on them,
Destroy the words of love I had for you, and stab you for every thought I have ever had of you.
I could destroy us... if only I had the power to.
Life will never be the same now that my eyes have been opened.
I see past the barrier of bullshit you have put everyone through.
The years of pain I have gone through myself, all for you.
Everything I have EVER done has been for you
So why have you left me here alone like this?
Now I Have You
My heart lays here on the white sheets.
The sheets we once cuddled in,
Made promises in.
Where we would lay and talk about our
Lives together and how happy we were.
I want to know what has happened to us,
Where has the happiness gone?
The apple in your eye no longer holds me,
Your heart no longer has room for me.
What have I done?
I stare down at you now,
Laying in your own blood with that
Smile I love so much plastered across porcelain skin.
I stare in your eyes
The deep blue that would creep into my dreams and wake me.
With cold fingers I touch your lips,
It feels so good not to feel.
Knowing that now you never have the chance to hurt me.
Your heart really is mine forever now.
I can still hear your heart beat-
Pulsing through my veins as my own.
I close my eyes, focusing on every detail of us.
My eyes fall on the image of my heart laying next to you, small and lacerated..
But I cannot seem to figure out why.
I loved you... didn't I?
I cannot remember.
All I remember is how good
He had me fooled;
I believed he loved me
I believed in him...
But oh how I was wrong.
Everything I have believed has been
A white lie.
The kind of lie that
Keeps you crying in the dark
Laying with a broken
Scream for only the soulless to hear
The kind of lie that takes you
Limb by limb and rips you apart
Until you have nothing left
But the echoes of your screams.
The kind of lie you find buried
In the darkness with the clutter
Of all your nightmares.
The kind of lie that robs you of all
Comfort and love and breaks your heart
The kind of lie he made me believe.
Now here I am scratching all the love out of my heart,
Whispering into the tallies
I have etched from the wall.
Screaming for no one to hear,
Taking my breath away and destroying everything.
And now here I am, bathing in the blood of my own heart and suffocating from the ashes in my lungs.
Here I lay... In the dark with all of his lies and the crumbs of my heart..
It is not that I haven't found love,
It is just the mere fact
That I have fallen in it.
It is in my bones and I can't get rid of it.
Like salt in a wound it burns,
It stings my heart and
Tears apart my soul.
I was warned not to fall,
I was warned it would tear me up
But I never listened.
They were all right,
Now here I am in love
With something that never existed...
I thought I would be wrong.
Maybe I could have been rectified
If only it were possible.
Instead I see only the depraved
Reflection of love.
I have grown tired of caring,
Tired of the four letter word.
So I cave,
I give up
And now my heart has no love
Now That I See
I am lost and have forgotten my way home,
But I am not sure if home exists anymore.
I have no home, I have no heart,
I have nothing.
My eyes have been blind,
I should have known better.
Now I see clearly,
I see that I have lost it all.
What has happened?
I was only trying to be happy,
Why does happiness always
Have a price?
Why has sorrow outweighed
Why has it taken me this long
To realize I hate you?
I hate you.
Look at what you have done.
You have taken everything
I have ever loved and shattered it!
I will realize this was not your fault,
I will stop pointing out your mistakes...
Because none of them can make up
For my mistake of
Trusting someone like you.
Everyday I awake with the same question.
How can I forgive the unforgivable?
No one can forgive the chaos you have caused.
My world has been turned upside down,
And shattered to pieces
All because I loved you.
There is no escaping this world.
My heart is filled with bitterness,
My eyes with sorrow,
And my love with hatred.
I have tried to cut through the
Ashes of my world
Only to watch myself fail.
I cannot forgive you.
This world has broken me
While you are all okay,
I am the one on the sidelines
Bleeding my life away.
The Boy Who Wouldnt EatIf you can flutter
I have failed you,
for you were not forged
to be so insubstantial as that
You were writ
to be an epic fable
of endings ignored,
of outlasting your body
through the sheer will
of a writers starving heart
through a broken, bowed
but bravely abiding body
that fights the soul
to comprehend Beauty.
................written in a frenzy and run-on
and exclamation points
used in rapid succession
words all blurred
so bare bones it's bloody
strung out and on display
in a frightening combination
of paragraphs and stanzas
punctuation gone mad
ellipses my new black
used and abused
then spit out
in gratuitous repetition
there is no word count here
no hearts dotting the i's
just a string of letters
done up in cursive
but not very pretty at all
Five AMPre-dawn darkness again, seething, quiet
A monster hugging the city
How heavy, how suffocating it is
The clock has run down on time for dreaming
A void between night and morning
Ready to swallow everything up
A time for old men's reflections
On love, and loss, and sorrow
Oppressive black sky, you eat everything
But the all-night diner
Where lonely old men sit
Drinking coffee at five AM
QuicksandYou trapped me
Dragged me below the surface
And held me there
You chained me
Put brass around my ankles
And left me struggling
You broke me
Beat me with whips made of hate
And hurt me more
You changed me
Made me who you wanted
And killed me inside
You hid me
Stole me away from the light
And made me blind
You crushed me
Blew my dust in the wind
And danced on my grave
surrounding my body
And now I'm twenty feet under
With no chance of being saved
From Your 'Secret' AdmirerHeaven,
this is not a love letter
I will swear to God,
with a halo on my head
and a hole in my heart.
But the fact is I revere you
more than I have any right to.
After all, we are nothing except
who have awkward conversations.
So why is it that every time the line
falls silent I panic, worrying that your shadow
will make my efforts nothing but a distant memory,
when every word you speak strongly marks my mind?
Simple: I fear having something to lose
and losing the nothing I have. You are
treasure to me, and this note becomes my confession.
Sincerely- I typed this, but I'm sure you'll recognize the handwriting.
Death, Judgment, RebirthLast Time in the ICU
Shadow rats, beady red eyes focused hungrily
Stay still too long and they’ll swarm
Sharp little teeth rending flesh
They know the sick and weak
They can wait
Tenth floor ICU, down with the disease again
He’s resting quietly, the nurse says
She looks like a huge black rat
Does she know what’s happening?
Closing the door
She walks away
Sweet childhood dreams are interrupted
Rats gnawing away at the edges
Toothy little kisses all over
Cleaning, cleansing scurry
Down to the bone
Sentenced to Live
Firelight, poker-faced patchwork man reading aloud
An old but vaguely familiar tome, his tone is somber
Was I one of the wicked? Weren’t we all?
Who can say that they were good?
Sentenced to live yet another life
I cry; I’ve had enough living
I want to sleep forever, leave my shell behind
To crumble to dust, useless, I won’t need it
Every door opens to the same world
Is this hell, then? The onl
Sound PoemIthrumden, ithrumden delsum
nith mul thruss elmrissull.
Eth rut mundelliss
Curmiette dessel renrin
irme trell ithrumden.
give me a challenge, give me you.i have grown
the blood in my veins
have become more
than plasma, and i
am now trapped
within my own hollowed-out
this haze of
has to be transitory--
i can't let it be anything
As I see the place you were
My vision becomes a blur
My insides begin to churn
As my heart begins to burn
The heart I have is torn,
This new feeling of sadness being born
I want to run and cry
Though I don't understand why
You're nothing but a memory
All you do is leave me lonely
You cross my mind
Making everything unwind
Those words that made me feel strong..
If only they weren't so wrong,
The day you had to leave
I couldn't believe
You were gone
I'm alone every waking dawn
With only the thought of you
I don't need you
I don't want you
I leave the track,
Hoping I never have to go back.
Keep in Touch!
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More